First off - wow, thanks! I definitely wasn't expecting that much concrit, and the thought's much appreciated.
That said... I do know it's a fragment. It's not actually intended as a fully-fledged piece of writing; just as a tiny taste of what I'm hoping (but doubtful) will develop into a proper piece of fiction. The fault probably lies with my headers, which I now realise make it seem like this is intended as a complete piece of work. I've added an edit to the post to clarify the point, so thanks for inadvertently pointing that out to me!
All this said, I really do appreciate your taking the time out to write out such a detailed response - it's exactly the sort of comment I'd love to get on completed fics. I totally sympathise with the inability to turn your inner beta off when you read fic (Lit student here; same problem!) and I'm all in favour of such comments on other posts. If, uh, the plotbunnies ever bite. I've got my fingers crossed, anyway!
[Also, the choice of page number was completely intentional. *smirks*]
Once again, thank you for the comment - and you needn't worry, this didn't offend at all. =D
no subject
That said... I do know it's a fragment. It's not actually intended as a fully-fledged piece of writing; just as a tiny taste of what I'm hoping (but doubtful) will develop into a proper piece of fiction. The fault probably lies with my headers, which I now realise make it seem like this is intended as a complete piece of work. I've added an edit to the post to clarify the point, so thanks for inadvertently pointing that out to me!
All this said, I really do appreciate your taking the time out to write out such a detailed response - it's exactly the sort of comment I'd love to get on completed fics. I totally sympathise with the inability to turn your inner beta off when you read fic (Lit student here; same problem!) and I'm all in favour of such comments on other posts. If, uh, the plotbunnies ever bite. I've got my fingers crossed, anyway!
[Also, the choice of page number was completely intentional. *smirks*]
Once again, thank you for the comment - and you needn't worry, this didn't offend at all. =D