After what she's said, whatever I have to say is going to sound infantile but here goes anyway:
Good writing should evoke emotions, and for me, that's the most important aspect of prose, poetry or drama. I'm happy to say that you've done it with this (for me anyway). I like the way you've written it - the overall feel is good. Especially the last line.
Now, I have to confess I don't know what you had in mind when you were writing this, but when I read it, I had this theme of time passing and bringing about change - everyone else wants the rain (change) to stop and for things to go back to normal, but the child (not yet bogged down by the worries of the world) is the only one who can truly be happy when it happens. My interpretation is probably not what you had in mind, but that's what I got.
Writing-wise, I think you could improve on the transition (chords! chords! aaargh!) from the 4th to the 5th paragraph. I just feel it's sudden and abrupt, but then again, so is change (haha). Is there a reason why you start your sentences with "but"?
I'm sorry I couldn't be more constructive *sheepish*
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2005-08-08 05:11 am (UTC)After what she's said, whatever I have to say is going to sound infantile but here goes anyway:
Good writing should evoke emotions, and for me, that's the most important aspect of prose, poetry or drama. I'm happy to say that you've done it with this (for me anyway). I like the way you've written it - the overall feel is good. Especially the last line.
Now, I have to confess I don't know what you had in mind when you were writing this, but when I read it, I had this theme of time passing and bringing about change - everyone else wants the rain (change) to stop and for things to go back to normal, but the child (not yet bogged down by the worries of the world) is the only one who can truly be happy when it happens. My interpretation is probably not what you had in mind, but that's what I got.
Writing-wise, I think you could improve on the transition (chords! chords! aaargh!) from the 4th to the 5th paragraph. I just feel it's sudden and abrupt, but then again, so is change (haha). Is there a reason why you start your sentences with "but"?
I'm sorry I couldn't be more constructive *sheepish*